Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Concern or Harassment?

I’ve been debating for quite sometimes whether I should put this particular topic here or not – for despite the fact that I created this blog to rant and rave – one should never forget that one can’t never really be that free when it comes to stating one’s opinion on the internet. Discretion has to be observed. It should never be thrown to the winds.

However, that’s exactly what I’m doing now.

To lessen the folly of my reckless action, I’m going to give myself a go for it argument. Firstly, this blog is my personal blog. Sort of like a diary. My diary. Secondly, I don’t think other human being is remotely interested in reading it. Thirdly, it’s in English. How many Indonesians are interested in reading someone else’s blog which is written in English? Almost zip. Therefore, go for it.

I’m writing while praying that none of the parties mentioned here will ever read this. For although I’m writing this to elaborate on my point of view and feelings regarding marriage and the matchmaking effort conducted by people around me, I don’t want them to read this for fear of offending them which is not my intention at all.

I don’t think you could really tell people who asked you “When are you going to get married” when they met you on the street, elevator or wherever they happen to bump into you anything. All you can do is probably putting a big smile and saying something vague or trying to make a joke about it.

It would be weird if instead of just smiling you invite them to sit for tea and then start talking about why you are still single lengthily. Not that it’s their business in the first place. And I don’t think they really want to know. In my opinion that question is just a rhetorical one. One that’s supposed to be answered with a big guilty smile.

The question itself doesn’t really bother me. It’s the judgement behind it which annoys me the most. By asking that question the questioner is stating their preference for marriage which they try to push upon the unfortunate single person they happen to meet.

I have no problem when other people are using marriage as a standard to measure one’s success/achievement/accomplishment/happiness in life but I do have a problem had they try to force me to adopt that view.

I have nothing against marriage per se. It’s just that I don’t see marriage as a goal which one must have and can’t live without. It’s not that I don’t want to get married at all when the time/occasion comes/calls for it. But the very idea of getting married just for the sake of getting married or just because that’s what everyone else is doing has no appeal to me.

But you couldn’t really say this to the people who are trying to marry you off now could you? Particularly not when those people mean nothing but well. In case you’re curious, these people who are trying their hands at matchmaking are not my family, they are my colleagues.

I don’t know how it started but they’ve somehow decided to set their collective cap for a guy I know – whom they also know – deciding that we’re perfect for each other. And no matter how hard I try to tell them that there’s absolutely nothing between us that we’re just friends, they just ignore it and persist in their far from subtle matchmaking endeavour.

I couldn’t even properly express my dismay when their well meaning effort at matchmaking caused me major cases of embarrassment and discomforts.

The only saving grace is the fact that I know the object of their matchmaking rather well and I don’t think he’ll think much of their far from subtle effort. I know that he could be a good sport.

The problem is other people who have nothing to do with us might not take it so lightly!

I was taken aback when a friend of mine who aren’t even in the same floor with us (me and the matchmaker wannabes) questioned me about that guy. When my shock lessened I eyed him suspiciously and questioned him back about his source. Directly naming all the likely culprits.

When he didn’t want to reveal his source I sharply told him not to believe anything he heard from whoever told him only God knows what.

I’m extremely bothered.

I basically take all their matchmaking effort in stride and decide to just humour them for I know they mean well. I don’t even make any comment to some of the things they say and advice which I think preposterous and degrading.

Just to illustrate:

1) They keep bugging me of the fact that there’s no progress at all despite all their concerted efforts. Well, how could there be any progress when I already told them that there’s really nothing between me and that guy?

2) One of them even told me to just grab him and drag him to the altar for if I wait for him to propose he probably never will. Just great. That guy doesn’t even like me and now not only I’m supposed to propose to him but I also have to force him to marry me. Why couldn’t they understand the very simple fact that if he’ll never make any move that’s because he isn’t interested.

Nevertheless, those bothersome things aren’t really the reasons why I loose it. It’s finding out that their matchmaking has some how turns into a rumour which is believed by others as the truth is disconcerting. Frustrating. And infuriating. And what worse is that I don’t even know what’s the truth that they believe in.

It reminds me of what happen to a very close friend of mine who experienced a rather similar thing in her organisation. When I heard what happened I told her: ‘If I were you I would definitely give that friend of yours a piece of my mind for doing what she did.’

Now, I can understand why she just grinded her teeth.

I wish that there’s some kind of code of conduct regarding how to deal with singles. Preferably one like how to treat female workers in a work place or females anywhere for that matter, in which if you do something that is perceived as unpleasant you could be charged with sexual harassment.

I think only when we have that people will then be forced to think hard before doing/saying something which are related to other people’s marital status no matter how good their intentions are.


Anonymous said...

Hi pipit!

I clicked on your name in Dramabeans OT et voila, je suis ici. I read your Concern/Harassment post and I immediately thought of Bridget Jones!! BJ is amongst my all-time favourite of favourites. In the first movie, there is a dinner scene in which she has to dine with half a dozen couples, all the while trying to evade their stinging singleton inquisition and just watching it made me wince in sympathy. Honestly, I think there's nothing you can do about it that won't strain relations at work, since it seems like you've already tried reasoning with the bunch. Just keep your chin up and not let it get to you too much!

Also, I am in 110% agreement with you about Park Shi-yeon being the most gorgeous Korean celebrity ever. She's got curves and ain't freakishly cute nor skinny.


Fixy said...

Hi Mud!

I love your comparison between my situation and Bridget Jones'. And I appreciate your encouragement. I won't let those kind intentions to bother me. I'll just think of BJ and how things turn out rather splendidly for her ^-^

Now, about Park Si Hyeon. Personally, I think that's how a beautiful woman should look like. But it's hard for most women to compete/identify with that. So I think that's why some just don't like her.

Anyway, I'm glad to get to know you. Seems we do have a few things in common haven't we?


Blogger said...

Searching for the Best Dating Site? Create an account to find your perfect date.